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Goes to 11
The woman in front of me at Starbucks just ordered, <dave barry> I am not making this up </dave barry> a "Three pump melon, six scoop [unintelligible], double blended, green tea frappacino". I stepped back away from her after she ordered it because i fully expected a giant bolt of hellfire to come shooting out of the ground to smite her, but it didn't happen. Instead the barrista just looked at her and you could tell that the barrista just wanted to say "No", but instead said "Can you repeat that?"...even though the order was repeated four times, i never picked up what there were six scoops of...it sounded like Nachos or Gatkes.
I think the eleven word starbucks order is the final nail in the coffin for the united states. If you're ordering six scoop nachos, you're not going to be on the cover of "lasting empires of the world".
Comments
this reminds me of my theory that video games were invented by racist japanese people to make sure black folks in america don't get too politically active. same thing!
I'm not sure that it is really the same thing. But I think just one day of the year it should be a notional holiday for baristas and you should have to order just what is on the menu in Starbucks -- "I will take a grande capaccino" -- isn't that enough?
PS -- who the fuck decided that just because you work in a fast food coffee place you get a special title. You don't see the guys making french fries at McDonalds insisting upon being called friteuses.
I think barrista's should get to veto drink orders like the one today. There used to be a great pub in chicago like 10 years ago called state street pub that had these fabulous hamburgers. Total dive, great burgers. one day this guy from LA is visiting and orders a cheese burger with "monterey jack". The waitress looks up at him and just says "No". Not "we don't have that. how about chedder or swiss", just "No". That's what I want the barrista's to have....if your order gets vetoed, you have to go to the back of the line and wait again.
Or perhaps you'd like to share some of your Mr. Beef experiences?
My favorite Mr. Beefism? Guy walks up and asks for a water. Response? "The lake is 10 blocks that way".
I also think baristas should get to deny folks who pronounce espresso as eXpresso. Man that's annoying.
Agreed on the barista name Hornik, in my day I was just called "guy who makes $5 an hour" when I was behind the counter at my local coffee shop.